Please join me in the conversation. I am interested in the moments that refine us. Taking the clutter away of some of the storytelling and getting down to the essence and lessons of life’s experiences. I would ask that as a listener you engage in what you may identify. These moments are there for us to know that by living through them, we have forever changed… for good.
The Leader of One...
Interesting relationship, that of human and hound. From the onset, the agreement is that you create trust. Trust that shelter is sound. Trust that there is nourishment each day. Trust that the rules set are there for safety and protection. Trust that the well-being is first and foremost in the tests ahead. Along the way, Love is enriched. It is simple to say that love happens at first site... How can it not be love. The furry puppy is so helpless and lost. They look to you for everything that their mother provided. But the rules change from the litter to the landscape. The house becomes the territory and the furniture the obstacles. With puddles and poops you learn to love every mistake and every advance. The bark is a song and an alert. Every sound a message from this little soul so dependent on you. You the keeper of the secrets. The secrets only you two know about. This beloved shadow becomes the keeper of your kindness and tenderness. The faithful and the fearless. The smallest warrior for your wellbeing and yet relies on you for everything.
I woke up this morning with the instinct to look for my little one. Where is she sleeping? Under the couch, over by the chair, on the chair or where I would like her to be ...on her bed. She was not there. My heart remembered what my head had forgotten, she wasn't there. Not like she hasn't been there before, she had sleep-aways and had been shared by another One. When my head caught up with the facts, my heart broke again. Suddenly I was lonely. It comes to mind that I am now completely responsible for only me in this world...something that hasn't been true for 30 years. A strange feeling.
I loved being the tall silver haired two legged one that created the rules that this four-legged soul would live by. I loved the fact that she learned tricks and took pride in being very smart. I loved the compliments that she always got from her fans and strangers alike about her demeanor. She was sweet.
I love what I do as the leader of many, but will miss being the Leader of One.
Sitting in a subway car, delayed by whatever delays are made of, I sit observing the separate souls sitting in the seats, uncommon and yet communal. Not seeing what they choose not to see, and having to look at things that would never be part of their own personal path. But because of the collision of circumstances and time, what do we collectively witness.
Despair, youth, grim, youth, wealth, injury, community, disdain, pollution, pity, odor, boredom, patience, anger, rhythm, age, invention, compassion, desperation, advertising, and routing. So much - maybe too much - in one 10 minute ride. Not this not this.
I must choose my own effect and bless it all happening anyway.
September of 2007 I began a journey of discovery. I visited my hometown in the northwestern part of Wisconsin and was compelled by instinct to take my savings and invest in a parcel of land at the south end of the lake where I was raised. The voice in my head I referred to as my FIELD OF DREAMS speaking to me. I purchased the land which is 1000 miles from where I live in New York City without a plan or vision.
Over these past few years my life changed and it was all due to the inner voice saying - "Do this. You will know why in time."
I started with a rental trailer, and then the purchase of my own. I felt this would be enough. Right. Then the log cabin idea came to me through my friend Karla. I found a cabin built in Amish territory in central Wisconsin. The workmanship was old world and simple. Perfect. It was transported to my little 5 acres on the south end of the lake. I was so proud. With each and every step of the way, with the help of my friends and those around, I developed this little sanctuary into a sacred space only for me. The corner of the Wood Lake spoke to me. It reminded me of the boy I left behind, the Prince of the North Shore. For more than one reason I needed to reclaim that boy and bring him into the adult that I thought I had grown into.
You see this log cabin was a vessel for me to grow. It gave me permission to step away from my 25 year relationship because that itself was overdue and we were broken. It unveiled the reality that we needed to go our separate ways. With every trip back I deconstructed my father, who sold off our beloved family vacation cabin in the mid 70's due to my mother's failing health and financial needs, but all I did was blame him for another let down. A fracture that never mended and was ever talked about while he was alive. So this little cabin let me deconstuct my father, forgive him and build him into the imperfect man that he was, allowing me to love him for the first time, the way a son should love his father.
I created something from nothing. It was all in my heart. The healing I needed came organically and allowed me to step into a new chapter of my life. This cabin opened the conversation to family and friends that has blessed me with another house on the lake that I could have never imagined would be mine.
But stories have endings and today marked that back binding of the story of the Log Cabin. I have sold the cabin to two who I never met as the landscape around the cabin has changed and so have I.
This is the ultimate "letting go" as I have loved this little cabin for the enormous lessons I have learned, the silence that I now embrace every day and the true gratitude that I feel for this life I have today.
Thank you to everyone who ever entered this sacred space and supported me on this real journey.
and so it is.......
She Let Go
She let go. Without a thought or a word, she let go.
She let go of the fear. She let go of the judgments. She let go of the confluence of opinions swarming around her head. She let go of the committee of indecision within her. She let go of all the ‘right’ reasons. Wholly and completely, without hesitation or worry, she just let go.
She didn’t ask anyone for advice. She didn’t read a book on how to let go. She didn’t search the scriptures. She just let go. She let go of all of the memories that held her back. She let go of all of the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. She let go of the planning and all of the calculations about how to do it just right.
She didn’t promise to let go. She didn’t journal about it. She didn’t write the projected date in her Day-Timer. She made no public announcement and put no ad in the paper. She didn’t check the weather report or read her daily horoscope. She just let go.
She didn’t analyze whether she should let go. She didn’t call her friends to discuss the matter. She didn’t do a five-step Spiritual Mind Treatment. She didn’t call the prayer line. She didn’t utter one word. She just let go.
No one was around when it happened. There was no applause or congratulations. No one thanked her or praised her. No one noticed a thing. Like a leaf falling from a tree, she just let go.
There was no effort. There was no struggle. It wasn’t good and it wasn’t bad. It was what it was, and it is just that.
In the space of letting go, she let it all be. A small smile came over her face. A light breeze blew through her. And the sun and the moon shone forevermore.
Limitations come from beliefs I hold about myself or that I may have accepted from others. The world may use labels to describe me, or try to impose limits that feel like chains holding me back. I have the key to liberate myself from those chains.
I break free by no longer identifying with limits or labels. I speak only powerful, uplifting words of Truth about myself: The magnificence of The Divine dwells in me. I use all my gifts to be Spirit’s wisdom and love in expression.
Each time I affirm the Truth, I dissolve any beliefs that diminish my full expression as a human and a divine being. Whatever my gender, race, appearance, or abilities, I live freely as a unique expression of The Divine.